i really hate having to tell people that we aren’t compatible, that they aren’t for me, that I’m not for them. because deep down inside, I don’t understand why. It just is that way and I can’t explain it to them any better than that and it hurts me so much to hurt people or let them down. i’ve only been able to be my true self in all forms in front of one person, and I’ve been able to show two or three others a portion but definitely not full. I wish there was just some way for me to explain that I’m just a little left of normal and it makes me difficult to connect with.

I feel awful and hope I can sleep tonight better than I have been. hopefully female bestie time tomorrow will make things a little better.